I am not ashamed

As you all know, I have been in the paper and magazine and online news, due to me trying to bring out awareness about writing to inmates. Due to all of this social services had gotten involved because my sons school had reported a family photo being in the news paper (apparently on the front page) back in june when it was in the paper. Which at this time when they reported it they had been told by MASH that there were no concerns, so when the story went online in september the school had reported it again (same one and even though there was no family picture in that one) they as well as social services had not recognized that we were unaware that THE SUN was going to put in a family photo without our consent (which is against the law), anyway my pregnancy has been EXTREMELY stressful with the involvement of social services, I am not ashamed for saying that they are involved because soon they won't be (hopefully).  One day in the car after dropping my son off at school, I had said to my husband "you know I try so hard to help people, to give some people hope and what bothers me is that I'm getting judged as a parent for writing to inmates for helping some men and women out there and it hurts".

The reason why I haven't posted much is because of social services, and the stress they have caused on me and my family, it has literally come to the point where I've come to a halt when it comes to writing because I dont know what to say. I had enjoyed writing to these men and women it brought so much light into their lives. I will probably start up again eventually once everything is settled with my family when our baby arrives. Although it may be somewhere down the road, I'm not stopping just taking a break, because I am not ashamed of bringing happiness and friendship to people who do need it, I am not ashamed for not being a judgemental person, I'm not ashamed of having an open heart, I am not ashamed for being who I am because at the end of the day I know I am a good mother I know I'm a good friend I know I'm a good person. I am not going to let anyone tell me otherwise!!!!

A little something to share

So a while ago Ralph,Raphaels brother had sent me a bunch of his poems to post up on my blog. In the envelope he had put in something that I believe someone had given to him or something he had found. He said he's not sure where it came from or who its from LOL but wanted to share it. I think it's something that's really good and something to make us all think about.


                                                           Conflict and Struggle                           

One consequence of a constantly changing polarity-based system is the reality of conflict and struggle, everything in the universe grows and changes through a process of struggle and conflict.  In order for anything to grow or change it must struggle to do so first.  Conflict is a natural part of growing, conflict is a friend, not an enemy.  We usually hate it when conflict begins, but the teaching says "when the struggle starts, get happy".   It means a change is starting to occur. Conflict proceeds clarity.

                      By annonymous                                 Oct/28/2004

Been a while.

It's been a long while with everything that's been going on in my life. I am still emailing a few of the guys.. but not as often as I normally did, it's maybe every couple of days or so.

I've been very well extremely tired lol....I have been talking to mainly Eric the past few months as well as Steve. I've found out that Steve is going to be partaking in a drug program for a tear which he will then get a year knocked off of his sentence :) which I think is fair enough he needs to be with his daughter I can't remember when the last time was that he had seen his daughter as he was moved to the prison where Rafael is which is about 4-5 hours away from his daighter:(

Eric has been hit with such drveststing news which he only told me about couple days ago. That someone had taken his little brothers life as well as his counsins life. It saddens me a lot as he can't be there for their funerals. But I'm amazed by the strength he's got, he's in there but yet still feels the need to be strong to hold his family together...an amazing heart and strong soul, my thoughts and prayers go put to him and his family, no one deserves to have their life taken away by another human being.....

I know it's thanksgiving in America. And all I can think is what it must be like for those in prison without families to talk to have give thanks for, the ones without friends.....I've had a few "happy thanksgiving" messages .... How can they find and give thanks when they are in a terrible place?? Such strong souls...I know I wpuldnt be thankful if I was in prison I would be more depressed than anything, but then I guess the ones who do have their families and their friends in their lives they most definitely have that to be thankful for or just to have someone to talk to...I'm rambling lol.....

Anyway for those (if any) that read this and are in America.....happy thanksgiving...

Treasure the time u speand with your loved ones. You never know when their time will be up....

Take care for now.

Jamie

Art work by Larry Shultz

Larry is a friend of Eric's, I know few things about him like he wad in the u.s.a air force or something like that? As you can see he is an aspiring artist! And also had done a family portrait!

He has told me that he does a lot of drawings in mystical creators ie faries unicorns (which you can see) and dragons. I love his unicorn paintings and the family one he helad done is simply amazing. He is pictured in with his art as well (obviously). I will be regularly getting pics of his art to post so I can't wait!  They will be sent through Eric.

Indigenous eyez entry by Thomas Thornton

Life aint fair and it never will be, the adversity built my character
brought me closer to me. My character prepared me for success,
it helped me to weather the storms, and wouldn't let me settle for
less. Life aint fair and it never will be. So why they still jealous,
envious and hatin' on me? I have been through the struggle, but
that part you can not see. Whishing I don't succed, hoping that Im
unhappy, life aint fair and it never will be. So every morning I pray,
Grandfather please help me through another day, Great Spirit I need
a blessing please throw one my way. Every night I pray Great Mystery
thank you for being with me, thank you for my health, strength, and
famILY. Pidamiya for the endurance you've given me to deal with....
Life aint fair....and it never will be.

The Dakota word for "sweatbath" is Inipi. The word is related to
the root word NI (to live) and the causative form Niya (to breath).
The two most common reasons for taking a sweatbath are for
Wicozanni (health) and for wiconi (life). Thus, a literal translation
of Inipi is "for thier life." The primary focus is upon the "life " of
the people.
To some the sweatlodge is like a womb. Here the participants
regain in a spiritual way a new life and strength. The sweatlodge
is shaped like the ribbed back of a mud turtle. Turtles are slow,
patient, and strong hearted. Even after they are dismembered, the
turtle's heart beats strongly. The mound reminds the participants
of the hill of the vision quest where one is close to the creator
and the spirits above. The pit inside reminds the participants of
the depths of the mysteries they are about to take part in.

The reason.

Ok, so freakishly women up to the scream of my son...thunder, and I've never heard him scream like that before, I check my corrlinks and I gave a message from Thomas. Please keep in mind that I am one of the people who have asked why he is in there...this hits it right on the nail!

"Often I am asked why am I in prison. The question is almost continually posed by someone who has taken the time to get to know me, and to "know me" is to know my talents, qualities, traits, and virtues. I am a poet. I am an author. i am an artist. I am an entrepreneur. Also, i am a loving father, devoted son, and kind neighbor. So... How could I then be an "Armed Career Criminal" as the government put it at my trial and subsequent sentencing? Easy. The government did not sentence "me". They sentenced my record. they sentenced a categorical history of what I did in my lifetime. The trouble with that is they do not keep records of anything positive. Only the crimes. The times I broke the laws are all the government concerned itself with. Why? Do not my good deeds have a weight against the bad ones? Imagine if we took this attitude into our personal lives, into our own homes. Your child talked back. You wrote that down. Your child missed his bedtime. You wrote that down. Your child received a bad grade because of failing to study. May be he or she tried a cigarette. Even shoplifted at a really low point. You marked it all down to gauge what kind of person the child is. But you never marked down the times he made you chicken soup when you were sick. Or the time he tried to make you a birthday card out of macaroni noodles. What about when he found money but returned it to the neighbor. And remember when he jumped in the pool that Summer to save his friend who could not swim. Then he became a father and turned out to be a great dad. He brought the whole family together for holidays and told awesome jokes. When someone was feeling down he hugged them and told them everything would be all right.... and he meant it. The courts don't calculate those things in to sentencing. They do not consider the poems, paintings, books, and companies I created. They don't care that I gave my last dollars to my grandparents when they needed money or that I helped my elderly neighbor carry furniture into her new apartment before I even knew her name. The court is a systematic money machine for this country. Now, 37 percent of inmates are mentally ill. They are locking them away because they can. because no one complains. Because society is glad to be rid of the "crazy nut" who spends all day talking to imaginary people. It is easy to turn a blind eye on prisoners... until you realize they are not all murdering rapists. Nope. There are guys like me. Misguided as a youth. Eager to impress, and struggling to be accepted. Most all the crimes I committed were to put food on the family table. I did not buy fancy carsm expensive clothes, etc... I paid rent and bought food. Not that I was justified. I NEVER was and I regret every time I broke a law but you have to understand that when you are faced with a choice to go hungry and homeless or push a law to the side.... The choice is very very hard to make and if you are not strong enough you will make the wrong one. I am guilty of not being strong enough. That is why I am in prison. I am here because I knew that the system is broken and not worth it and I was not strong enough to avoid it. Now, does that make me a "Armed Career Criminal"? No. Any one who was with me my last 2 yrs on the street can and would tell you that I had given up crime and turned my life around on my own just like I promised. Unfortunately (As my judge noted at sentencing) I did it after this last crime and not the one before. So, I sit in prison for that. The irony of it? Of all the crimes I did this is the one I actually did not commit. And you thought God did not have a sense of humor. LOL. Also, know this. I have no regrets and I am not bitter. I love life and find happiness every day."

A poem from Thomas

A CHIP OFF THE OL' BLOCK

You know I'm in-love with these gray skies
where my misery found company
near desolation and the wayside
I lost a piece of me, I buried
the pain I gained when my father died
guilt that grew because I could not cry
in a world of wet eyes mine were dry
left not yet a man to wonder why
the only good you gave was goodbye
I tried to build my own family
but only poisoned their purity
introduced them to insanity
depravation and calamity
the more I tried to explain for them
the less I was understanding me
I received these traits inherently
for I have become what you once were
antagonist to the man in me......

T.G. Thornton