A couple of months ago I had asked Shaun since he was never able to say goodbye to his wife, if he would like to write a letter to her for me to do something like a "message in a bottle" kind of thing and he came up with the idea to write the letter and have me post it on my blog instead, what he wants is for people to read it out loud, but that is up to you if you would like to do that. It was not his fault why he had lost his wife, I do know the whole story.There is one intimate part, but I will not remove it as I'm going to write it word for word.
Letter to my wife Sengthavanh:
Why did you have to leave me? Why couldn't you take me with you? You just left me here all alone, with nothing but there photographs hanging from my walls the bring memories flooding in like pouring rain drowning out everything else. This life seems so empty now you're gone. Everything just felt so right when we were together, no matter how crazy things might have gotten. Our love, our life, was just perfectly imperfect. If only I could climb inside these pictures and go back to that exact moment in time. A moment when you were still alive, a moment when we were together and just stay in that moment forever. I miss how every night before we fell asleep I'd kiss you and tell you I loved you and you would tell me you loved me, even if we were fighting. I miss how you would not let me leave for work in the morning without waking you up for a kiss no matter how early it was, baby, even though you're gone I want you to know that you're still the first thing I think about every morning and the last thing i think about before I go to sleep at night. I dream about you almost every night and I often wonder if it's really you coming to visit me. If it is really you I wish there was some way you could let me know, some sort of sign so I knew it wasn't just my mind playing tricks on me....you know...you always acted so tough all the time, like nothing could ever hurt you and alot of people never understood why I loved you so much, but thats because you showed me a part of you that no one else ever got to see. I saw the beautiful and amazing woman that was burried underneath all that hurt, I would give anything to hear your voice or feel your body pressed up against mi ne one more time, even if only for a second. It might sound crazy but sometimes I take your pictures and hold it close and try to imagine you here but it's just not the same I wanna feel you rest your head on my chest as I wrap my arms around you and kiss your forehead, I wanna look you in your eyes, run my fingers through your hair and tell you I love you just like I used to do, I miss your smell,I miss your taste,I miss how after we made love you'd have me stay inside of you and hold you until you fell asleep. I never felt as close to anyone as I did to you.
I miss you so fucking much baby!! I swear it seems like only yesterday we were together, but its almost been 4 years now. People keep telling me that I need to let you go, that it's time for me to move on, but I can't, they don't understand that even though I still exist,, A huge part of me died with you that night.. I can not and will not ever love anyone the way that I love you, I told you that you were my love, my life,my world (I even got it tattooed across my chest) and you'll always be just that.
I'm sorry I haven't been to see you, I hope you know and understand that I can't right now, I'm in prison but I promise baby, the day I get out the first place I'm going is to see you, we can spend the whole day together, hell, the whole week together. I'll be there I promise baby, I'll even where a famous stars and straps shirt just to make you happy.
I want you to know that I still talk to the kids and I'm still a part of their lives as much as I can be and I always will be as long as I live I will be there for them. They're all doing so good, I know you'd be proud of them, I know I am but I'm sure you're watching over them so you already know that. I hope you're happy and at peace where you're at, and I want you to know that no matter how long it takes, I am coming for you, one day we will be together again, but until that day comes I want you to know that I'm here, I miss you Like crazy and I'm sorry.
I love you Sengthavanh, more than I could ever explain with words on this paper.
Until we meet again Baby
I love you Always and for Eternity
Written by shaun ackerman #386102
April 2014
To my Love to My wife
Sengthavanh
beautifully written.
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