The world is such a sad place.

I find it sad how people feel the need to judge eachother.

If a woman such as myself writes to inmates then she must be "desperate" or "mentally ill" in one way or another. But what about the men who write to female inmates and even male inmates?

Just because we write to inmates we alone are being judge for who we are. The world and society is not a court room, but then I can be wrong about that. What gives others the right to say such nasty things about others?

Yes the men and women who have been locked away from society have been for a reason. Because they had a blackened heart? Maybe even acted in self defence? Maybe they needed to find a way to make ends meet by dealing drugs? Maybe what they had done was an accident? Or they got locked up for taking a simple phone call?

We all make mistakes, but it doesn't give others the right to judge us once we've been judged. The thing is we all have a little bit of darkness in our hearts, but behind that dark ess is a little bit of light, and sometimes it takes a VERY very very bad situation to make someone want to find that light they were never able to find. Maybe that light is a simple a letter? Or a new found friendship? I don't know......

I am very emotional right now. I just wish that everyone could just open their eyes and maybe just see what I see in others.

A bad person can turn into a good person. All it takes is that little bit of positivity that someone else can give.

More penpals and then some

So in June I decided to write five more guys. Thinking they weren't interested as I hadn't heard from them at all, I got two letters last week and one today.

I still have loads of letters to catch up on. I've gotta write write to Eric,Matthew,Stirling,Shaun,and these two new guys lol and since now darren is at his nans til Monday do now I should be able to catch up.

I think I've just been blah a bit worth writing lol I did tell Scott that Im going to have to start writing short letters instead of long ones. Then again Raphael is always telling me it's hard for him to keep up with my letters lol. If I could really put my mind to it I would be able to write all my letters in a day during the day.

I believe I sent 4 letters off last week which are the first four I have sent off in a month, it's funny though because one was to a new guy and when I received his letter I couldbt even remember what I had said to him on writeaprisoner.com lol but I try to think back to what I had said.

What surprised me the most is most of these guys have very very nest hand writing. Like Eric's is like calligraphy very beautiful for a man's writing lol even mine isn't that pretty or fancy lol.

I am really really going to put more time into writing. This week I stead of watching tv til early hours of the morning lol. I just might stop trying to find others to write to. I think 20 is my number although half of them I e-mail the others I write to.  For example I can email Raphael but he can't really afford to email me so we write most of the time anyway. I don't know if his brother is in same situation but I would assume that he is as we have been writing to eachother. 

The thing is these guys have no idea, they are a huge help to me. They keep my mind occupied and they help me throughout the day haha actually I find talking to them to be very therapeutic. I could only imagine for then that having someone to write to and talk to is the same for them. Well I hope so anyway. I do know it helps their days go by quicker. Like Matthew he's gonna be out in October! Which really I really really need to write back to him lol he will maybe get two more letters from me before he's released lol. It'll be nice to keep in touch with him after though to see how he's getting on, I can't really remember how long he has been in for lol I think he's been in for a while.
Raphael is out next year as well as Eric then raphaels brother Ralph is out in 2016 it will be nice to stay in touch with all them once they are all out. They'll have so much to get used to!.

Anyway that's it for now, I have some poems though that I will be putting up tomorrow though lol.

Ttfn,
Jamie

Drawing by Refugio Ruben Cardenas

So back in June I had written to 5 others in which I got two replies. One of them was Refugio, I had explained to him about my blog and had asked if he would like me to put any of his art work up on my blog, so when I received his letter I has happy to see a drawing in there from him.

This is his work.

A letter from shaun to his wife Sengthavanh

A couple of months ago I had asked Shaun since he was never able to say goodbye to his wife, if he would like to write a letter to her for me to do something like a "message in a bottle" kind of thing and he came up with the idea to write the letter and have me post it on my blog instead, what he wants is for people to read it out loud, but that is up to you if you would like to do that. It was not his fault why he had lost his wife, I do know the whole story.There is one intimate part, but I will not remove it as I'm going to write it word for word.

Letter to my wife Sengthavanh:

Why did you have to leave me? Why couldn't you take me with you? You just left me here all alone, with nothing but there photographs hanging from my walls the bring memories flooding in like pouring rain drowning out everything else. This life seems so empty now you're gone. Everything just felt so right when we were together, no matter how crazy things might have gotten.  Our love, our life, was just perfectly imperfect.  If only I could climb inside these pictures and go back to that exact moment in time.  A moment when you were still alive, a moment when we were together and just stay in that moment forever. I miss how every night before we fell asleep I'd kiss you and tell you I loved you and you would tell me you loved me, even if we were fighting. I miss how you would not let me leave for work in the morning without waking you up for a kiss no matter how early it was, baby, even though you're gone I want you to know that you're still the first thing I think about every morning and the last thing i think about before I go to sleep at night.  I dream about you almost every night and I often wonder if it's really you coming to visit me.  If it is really you I wish there was some way you could let me know, some sort of sign so I knew it wasn't just my mind playing tricks on me....you know...you always acted so tough all the time, like nothing  could ever hurt you and alot of people never understood why I loved you so much, but thats because you showed me a part of you that no one else ever got to see.  I saw the beautiful and amazing woman that was burried underneath all that hurt, I would give anything to hear your voice or feel your body pressed up against mi ne one more time, even if only for a second.  It might sound crazy but sometimes I take your pictures and hold it close and try to imagine you here but it's just not the same I wanna feel you rest your head on my chest as I wrap my arms around you and kiss your forehead, I wanna look you in your eyes, run my fingers through your hair and tell you I love you just like I used to do, I miss your smell,I miss your taste,I miss how after we made love you'd have me stay inside of you and hold you until you fell asleep. I never felt as close to anyone as I did to you.
I miss you so fucking much baby!!  I swear it seems like only yesterday we were together, but its almost been 4 years now.  People keep telling me that I need to let you go, that it's time for me to move on, but I can't, they don't understand that even though I still exist,, A huge part of me died with you that night..  I can not and will not ever love anyone the way that I love you, I told you that you were my love, my life,my world (I even got it tattooed across my chest) and you'll always be just that.
           I'm sorry I haven't been to see you, I hope you know and understand that I can't right now, I'm in prison but I promise baby, the day I get out the first place I'm going is to see you, we can spend the whole day together, hell, the whole week together.  I'll be there I promise baby, I'll even where a famous stars and straps shirt just to make you happy.
             I want you to know that I still talk to the kids and I'm still a part of their lives as much as I can be and I always will be as long as I live I will be there for them.  They're all doing so good, I know you'd be proud of them, I know I am but I'm sure you're watching over them so you already know that.  I hope you're happy and at peace where you're at, and I want you to know that no matter how long it takes, I am coming for you, one day we will be together again, but until that day comes I want you to know that I'm here, I miss you Like crazy and I'm sorry.

I love you Sengthavanh, more than I could ever explain with words on this paper.

Until we meet again Baby
  I love you Always and for Eternity

                                                                                Written by shaun ackerman #386102
                                                                                            April 2014

To my Love to My wife
Sengthavanh

An update

Ok it's been a little over a month since I've posted anything.

I have made a few new penpals, one being rafaels brother Ralph and the other is someone I wrote to through writeaprisoner.com his name is Stirling.

I got stirlings first letter last week I believe as well as ralphs. I also have had a few from Shaun and Steven and Steve lol. Still waiting on Eric's letter which was sent two weeks ago so have no ideo what's going in with that one.

I have fallen out with jarrell over such stupid little things! Lol, I have to catch up on soooo many letters this week and try to get them sent off on Thursday. I've been a bit busy to write but I do still make time for the guys.

This is going to be a short post. But I do have to say I will be getting some stuff up on here that a couple of the guys have sent me.

One being a letter shaun had written for his wife as well as the second last letter he sent me as there is something in there that I need and want to share. As well as share my views on that.

And then some poetry from couple of other guys! So keep a close eye!

Until next time (just a couple of days)

Luv me

Interesting week :D

Ok so I've had an Interesting week so far lol. I finally got a letter from Daniel I've bot heard from him in over two months mainly because he didn't get my letter and pics that I sent him in April! So I went onto the website that I had originally messaged him on then sent him a message which then he finally responded to it. He's been in the hole for about five months now. I can't believe they've kept him in there that long :( I believe it's inhumane, he only gets an hour a day outside I believe but I'm not entirely sure.

I sent two letters off yesterday one to Raphaels brother Ralph as he had asked if I could write to him and also got a friend of mine to write to him as well:D thank you! You know who you are ;) and then I also sent a letter to Matthew a.k.a treebark lol.
I also did send two letters before that as well I think last week. One to Steven and one to Shaun although they were short and rushed I had to write back to them as they have been waiting long enough same with the other guys lol, so it's safe to say that I am finally getting my writing groove back on:)

I had a surprise letter yesterday or the day before that caught me off guard lol, it was a letter from one of the guys that Eric knows who also recently had a book published as well "random poetry by shack" Eric had totally forgotten to tell me that he had passed my address on so he kinda felt bad lol but hey I am not complaining! Lol Thats what I want to happen!

Anyway I finally sent Eric's stuff back and some pictures for him to draw for me. I am getting him to draw a pet portrait of our animals together nibbles and miss Stella jaxson and Danny, and some other things as well like a family drawing.

Eric and I are coming up with some ideas which I think are good and I'm totally excited about it! We both have though about writing a story book together! Well I'm still waiting for his response about my idea which is getting darren to tell me a story and then I write it out for him send it to Eric and then he puts the pictures together to go with the story! I think it would be a great idea being that it's coming from a 5 year olds imagination which if it were to come put I think that it would be interesting and funnier for kids to read that are his age as they would be able to see it more than the average adult lol as well as enjoy it!  I hope he's down for that proposal! So only time will tell! So to say the least I am very excited about it! If he does day yes and likes the idea then darren and I can get started in it this weekend since we have nothing else to do lol plus it would help with me and darren to spend more time together :)

Anyway that's just a catch up! Lol
Until next time ;)

The introduction to Eric's book.

Ok I had spoken to Eric and I did get his permission to do this. Because when I wanted to view the sample to his book which came out couple of weeks ago I actually didn't get to read the introduction part because it does not go that far. So I thought why not put it up on my blog so people could just get a taste of his book and how it will be or how well talented he is. I did buy it myself and just reading the introduction part had moved me to tears and had me covered in goosebumps and the same thing just kept happening with every poem I had read. It is a very good book and I am proud to say that I am an owner of his first book:) it is definitely worth buying and if you have kindle it doesn't cost much! Just under £2 :) all you have to do is go here:

http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/aw/d/B00KCU0A1C?cache=02921881ac0b8ee54075fbc434e5a8be&pi=SY200_QL40&qid=1402858820&sr=8-1#ref=mp_s_a_1_1

Anyway here is the introduction to Eric's book.

Coming Clean:

Hello Father, may I have a moment of your time? I know I don’t deserve it… but, I have some things on my troubled mind. I’ve sinned, Father… time and time again, I used to justify my actions, but with you, I cannot pretend. Constantly taking life for granted with folly and simple antics. Manipulating my sister’s hearts, while faking being romantic. But, here’s the thing – I’ve got to come clean, I can’t go back to who I was and still be king. So, I come to you, Father, because your word says you’ll never leave me nor forsake me, and I know I can’t do anything that will ever make you hate me. Father, I surrender my lost soul, please take my heart’s broken pieces and make your son once more whole. I have taken, and I’m still taking, though man has taken from me, now I understand that two wrongs don’t make it right, so I will do unto others as I’d wish they’d do unto me. I’ve taken the lovers of my brothers like they were my lovers, claiming to be a player, but my sins were uncovered. I’ve spoken death on my enemies, with this double- edge sword – now I realize the power of the tongue that I knew not before. I’ve shed blood, with my hands; they’re stained like the rain. After the death of my brother, I assumed it would relieve my inner pain. But in death, there is more death, more anguish, more despair and sorrows, though my tears may flow tonight, I know joy will surely come tomorrow. These are my confessions , Father, but…. that’s not all – I’ve been deceitful, sheer evil, and good, well… I’ve done hardly any good at all. But, here’s my covenant with you, Father. A pledge I promise to keep . I’ll be a son to you like David, I’ll no longer mislead your sheep; I’ll be a father to these children, even to those who are not mine; a teacher to your students, to help strengthen their corrupt minds; I’ll be your vessel as a healer, when their souls are not aligned and stray away from their evils; colors don’t make them my kind, I’ll find like-minded brothers, for I know that iron sharpens iron, and I’ll meditate on your faithful word, so I may do your work without trying. I’ll wipe the tears from the eyes of helpless, and comfort the weak, lonely, and crying – I’ll say a prayer for the ones who are in need, that are hungry, sick, and dying. There’s a lot to be done, but I’m more than ready to face the challenges life will bring. This is my first step to salvation, Father….. I had to come clean.

Garner, Eric (2014-05-14). A Book of Rubies and Pearls(BOLD Publishing Presents) (Kindle Locations 67-70).  . Kindle Edition.

Please let me know what you think:)