Random stuff and thoughts

So I'm back again lol and a lot has happened. Well I've got few more new penpals:) I love it lol.

I have actually been struggling on what to write about. Writers block I guess I'm not sure, I've enjoyed reading my letters I'm starting to get one a week at least lol. One of the guys I have started writing to Antoine well I thought when reading his letter how much a letter can do for someone who has no one to talk to. He had said he had read my letter five times that night and it had him laughing. It's a good feeling to know that I'm making someone's day just by writing pages and pages of words lol.

I emailed another guy on www.writeaprisoner.com I actually felt really sad for him and was amazed with his honesty, that's the one thing that makes me want to write whoever I choose to write to, is that they can openly be honest about why they are inside those walls. Pretty much he is doing time for dui and for killing his wife. Obviously it was while he was on his motor cycle. I felt for him for the first time because I could really feel the pain and hurt reading his words (that's just the way I am) lol so I'm hoping he will write back lol.

Last month I had written a guy who is divorced right lol and then I had written another guy who o found on www.prisonvoice.com anyway I got a letter from him and he was saying how he's divorced. I wrote back saying "aaaah I remember u now!" Then I get another letter from the guy I wrote to that's divorced lol so I had completely mixed the two up, oh well lol. So I've got 5-6 letters to send off this weekend. A lot of requests for pictures of England though lol so will have to dig some out!

Lawrence is doing good he should be getting his book released soon and Scott is still helping him with calling around pretty much being his agent. We are just waiting for him to send us some money so we can get some calling cards to phone America. I've always encouraged Steve to get his poems published which he has been told before. So I did some "investigating" on how he can do it and got in touch with a publisher over in America. I am just waiting for Steve to send some poems to me as they need 12 of his poems.

I'm not sure if I've mentioned Kimorn yet lol but he has said something really nice which I will share. More like voicing his thoughts about penpals and we've decided together that he will get his friends to write some stuff out for me to post so that I'm kinda being their voice....getting their thoughts on how it would be and what it would be like to have a penpal.

I know some people would ask "why are you writing to prisoners" I had a discussion with a friend of mine this morning about it, and we've come to the conclusion that I'm free flowing and accepting of what others have done. She had said that there is no way she would be able to do what I'm doing, that she's heard of women who write to prisoners just never thought she would meet one lol...
I guess I'm just more open to being a distand friend to others....I don't know. It gives me something to do and it helps me. It distracts me from things like if I'm having a bad day lol, it makes me feel good and oyd knowing that I can still put a smile on a strangers face ..plus I love to write lol.

Anyway I will post up another day what Kimorn has said.

I hope you guys do enjoy reading my blog and hope that someone at lease does read them. Would like to see comments so I know! Lol

Anyway until next time.

Love Jamie x

A poem from one of my inmates

So a couple of weeks ago I had started to talk to a guy named Steve he's in his 50's and he got put in for taking a phone call it's sad really. I AM the only one he talks to right now and it's really helped him I can tell that for sure.... Anyway he's written me a poem which no one has ever done before and I thought I would share it with you guys:)

I write this poem to you my friend
So its you that I can tell
To let you know your in my mind
As im locked up in my cell
My mind and heart goes out to you
Where ever you might be
Hoping that you wont forget
And youll soon write back to me
Theres nothing like a friend who writes
That a friend you know that cares
To share some thoughts and laughter to
And to look forward what they share
I know you know what letters mean
And how they brighten up your day
Encouragement from words you hear
And with things to you they say
They say the things that give you hope
In the message they do send
A smile when you do hear from them
When you know its from your friend
A smile when you do hear your name
Its a smile for all to see
I do thank you for the smiles you give
And the smiles youve brought to me
You are my friend for life you know
AND my poem is now threw
I hope this poem does make you smile
And may bring a smile to you !!!

My first drawing from Jack

So I was super duper happy today!!!!! because I got my first drawing from Jack in the post today! And not long after I got a call from him so that made me super super duper happy! As its been a while since we have spoken on the phone! I said to Scott "now thats what I call ART!" incase you can't see what he's said as I had asked him to write something to go with the picture he wrote:

"Talk to your body,talk to your mind, and give support to your spirit. these are your friends, your life mates, your agility, your harmony and your joy. Degrade them and they will fail-you not out of revenge but because it is you who keeps them in working order, who supplies them with the strength and well-being they need, Tell your legs and feet and knees how strong and steady they are, and tenderly clean the mind of trash you may have inadvertently thrown there. When something is out of order, call it back to place- and give thanks for the privilege. These are precious things, never talk negatively to them nor condemn them-because you will only be condemning yourself."

What do you guys think? I absolutely love it:) well Jack is always telling me that ?I have to stop talking negative about myself lol and saying if i tell myself I can write, then I will write, if I tell myself that I can write poetry then then I can become a poet lol. I love it Love it LOVE IT!!!!!

Interesting week

So it's been a few since I've posted anything lol i figured if I waited a bit long then I would have more to say rather than just do it every day lol.

Anyway I sent off 6 letters couple weeks ago and I've only had two since then lol huge bummer lol...I think it's possible that some just haven't gotten their letters yet. I am Hoping to see replies in a few weeks hopefully this seek though....

I've been helping Lawrence out with his facebook he been calling me quite a bit to do this n that with his facebook sending messages back and forth for him when it just has to do with promoting his soon to be out book, which well has been delayed.

I am not talking to Brandon anymore because he seems to think he's got control over whom I talk to when it comes to inmates. Jarrell had told me that Brandon went to him telling him I had blocked him and he said he simply replied with "what do u expect? With the way you've been talking to her I don't blame her" the thing is Brandon didn't know is that I have a mind of my own married or not I'm not going to let him talk to me the way he was...and quite frankly really feel he needs to grow up a little bit before he decides to start writing the outside world....

I have started talking to some more inmates one whom is in a relationship :) I'm not sure if they've ever met but they have found eachother through the site that I found kimorn...

Conversation with jarrell has been interesting lol.....but sometimes I feel he can go just a bit over the line...I do love his conversation though but sometimes it also confuses me. We are not on the same wave length but I can kind of relate to what he's saying when the conversation gets really into the universe side of things lol..

My corrlinks inbox had been completely dead for a week lol because on day one I hadn't heard anything from Brandon Jarrell or Lawrence....eventually ibstarted to think something was going on because well they were all in the same facility lol....and I have to admit I was quite bored lol..

So couple weeks ago I decided to give jack a nickname "jacky bear" but we eventually leaned towards just jack bear lol. So u know he's always sending me letters with little drawings on the back of the envelopes so I decided to have a go at drawing a little beard with a bow and arrows sack lol....when he phoned me last week I asked what he thought of it and he said it was more like a teddy bear lol...I said "well I cant really draw a real bear can I? I can't draw worth shit!" He said well why not? Because you drew that picture , you really need to stop putting yourself down! If you think you can't draw you not going to be able to draw and if you think you can draw you will, your mind does what I tell it to, just like poetry. I said " I can't even write a poem lol" it was a nice converaatinn because we dony talk on the phone often..so it was really nice to just sit back and talk to him lol, we talked about the mother in Canada (mine) and my sister Nadine....

So yeah anyway I took a picture of a little drawing I drew on Jack's last letter lol I think it's quite cute! What do you guys think? Lol..

Oh yes I forgot, I decided to find one of jacks good friends who done some time with him in McKean as Jack had done a picture last year with him and Martin in it and had put Martin's number on the back of the picture. It's funny really because it's the two of them Jack isn't smiling but Martin is knowing that the picture was going to be for me lol. Jack never had the chance to thank him for me (for smiling as Jack didn't) lol so I thought I would write him personally and thank him myself. Anyway he's a really nice guy and I'm happy to be writing him! But the other day he said something that moved me... "in really glad that I have you to talk to because you make me smile and its nice to be happy, it's also nice to see some emails from someone and to be getting mail" I can't see how no one else is writing him because he really is such a lovely guy...I can tell the way his emails come through. He's very sweet as well.

So I'm going to ask. Would anyone be interested in writing to him? He has asked if I could find someone for him to write to besides myself lol....if u want u can email me your address and he can add you to his corrlinks which then you would have to create a corrlinks account (which is free) .
Or here is his address and u can write to him directly. Just let me know if you or whoever is reading this so I can let him know :) and I really do hope that someone will write to him...it's amazing how a simple letter can change someone's day:D thank you!

Martin Estrada #204510-047
Fci ray brook
P.o box 900
Ray brook , NY
12977

and here is my email :) jamie12886@gmail.com

Until next time:D

phone calls and letters

So, on tuesday I had decided to give my skype number to Jarrell Brandon and Lawrence! 
Jarrell was the first to phone me, it was really nice to talk to him on the phone and we had a really nice conversation! The first thing he said was "lil one is going to get a kick out of your accent!" lil one is Brandons nickname (he's 5'2) lol, we then continued on to talk about numerology:) but as he was expecting to pay a buck a minute the call had got cut short! Then he called again an hour later, he had to put more money onto his account.  That time we had talked about books and fifty shades series (yes he had read them) to talking about movies and how i believe that Channing Tatum should have played the role of christian grey! then we moved on to talk about love and how actors and actresses who are married allow their partners to kiss others in movies LOL! and as he says "love isn't for just one person love is meant for everyone not as such but a kiss is just a physical reaction" it was funny because as we start talking about actors and actresses kissing others, scott walks through the door coming in from work! What he must've thought! nothing bad anyway lol as I had told him what we talked about lol, but when I had told him I was talking to Jarrell his reaction was "wow he has a deep voice!" and that he does! I was kind of caught of guard when I first heard it lol!!!

Then Brandon called a couple of hours later!!!! and I was caught off guard much more that time!!! as a man who is 5'2 he has a ridiculously deep voice! much deeper than Jarrells lol!, that conversation was shorter as I think he doesn't have a lot of funds! But he was saying about "peanut" which is Jarrells nickname in the prison lol, that's even more funny because hes 6'3!! I can only think how can a guy who is 5'2 have a deeper voice than a man who is 6'3??? Anyway , he was laughing at me quite a bit or more like at my accent and I was laughing at him because he talks really really really fast!!!! I was like "you talk really fast" and him "well that's cause we haven't got a lot of time!" lol, he said hi to Scott because he heard him saying something in the background! But he had somehow thought that Scott was the Canadian one and I the British one which it's actually the other way around lmao, Brandon got quite a bit in to say more than me lol but I didn't mind because it was nice to hear him talk as he really doesn't say much over the emails! 

Then Lawrence phoned me that same night but at a much later time! We really didn't talk much about ourselves or our day, he had mainly called because he wants my help and possibly Scotts to call bookstores in the U.S for him to try get his books out on the shelves. Which surprisingly he's offering to pay us for it! Anyway the conversation was mainly about trying to find a cheap way for us to call the U.S! I'm semi arguing with him right now as I think Scott should call the bookstores as he's got more of a business personality on him, he's more able to talk and persuade companies than myself! Plus the fact that I get nervous, Lawrence feels that I should do it because I would have the time to compared to Scott but Scott only works 4-6 hours a night and then he has all day before he works to actually call around. He just feels that Scott's schedule won't allow him to make the calls, but it was nice hearing his voice finally as well lol, it was a nice talk still:)

So onto the letters:) I had sent 5 letters off the Saturday before last knowing it would take a week to get to them 2 to Jack one to Brandon one to Lawrence and one to Guillermo all on the same day! last Monday i had one sent back to me for no reason at all! and here's the surprising part, Jack got his first envelope (the one sent back to me) this Monday and his second envelope the day after (which wasn't sent back to me lol) and for the other two from Monday to wed I had Lawrence and Brandon emailing me saying " no letter today:( better be here tomorrow!" well that was Brandon well I think as Jarrell said "Brandon has a hard time believing anything" lol so yeah...I'm thinking by wed morning that they better get their letters! and so they did! I had Jarrell telling me that Brandon woke him up showing him his pictures of my face lol and both of them asking "what is it with people just sending pictures of their face??" and not shocked but he had also said he had read my letter lol (those two must really be besties!) then I got a response from Lawrence saying he got his letter as well:)

Jack has been working on drawing something for me to post up on my blog:) so I'm patiently waiting for that:) and I really can not wait!!! I hope to get letters from all four guys next week and now one from Jarrell! I'm also hoping to get a drawing from Brandon as Jarrell said he would make sure Brandon draws me something! Will have to wait to see if Guillermo will draw me anything! I love "prison" art!  As well as that, I had received my first letter from a female inmate! it has taken me a year of writing to females to get a response LOL! She has a very beautiful name and her parents I believe planned it well LOL Summer Angel :) I was really excited to have received a letter from her! I just hope she writes back as I had sent her response yesterday:) So now I have a little bit more hope that I will get a response from a female and it also makes a big change:) She's really pleasant as well! Very nice girl:)

Anywho, that me done for now so take it easy everyone!! If you have any questions at all please do not hesitate to ask:)

Thoughts from jarrell..

First I have to say, these thoughts of jarrells are quite intense (I think so anyway) I've just read about what he's gone through in this post and I do have to say, he is not that man anymore he doesn't even sound like that kind of person.

I was just thinking over my last 26 years in these shit holes ... Imagine me coming into this at age 17 into federal custody by 18 ( I didnt even make it out of transit El Reno , Oklahoma before I catch an assault because a guy from La tried to rape my co defendant. I land in Wisconsin ( An FCI ) and its another world stabbings , cutthroats , homosexuals and here I am with 35 to life and so I ran rampant, stealing , robbing , stabbing  I never participated in any sexual activities or shot heroin anything because I was stronger than that but I had to be not tough but courageous. While I was in alot my family members succumbed to crack and heroin so I had nobody and most of my friends were killed. I went from an FCI to Lompoc USP then 6months later to Lewisburg and from there to Leavenworth and into a riot with the Crips. Between those 3 US Penitentiaries I saw 7 guys murdered gruesomely.  Prison is not a place of rehabilitation... A man is only changed through his indivdual thoughts and experiences, he changes because he evolves and feels the absolute need for something better, higher because he wants to survive and has greater plans for himself and his others. It took a long time for me to get to that "space" in my life because for a long time I felt I was a reprobate among other things because mind you the neighborhood I came from was like a warzone , a penitentiary itself somewhat. Southeast , DC ...Murder Capital for at least 10 yrs. I have been to the edge of the abyss and over a few times, I hear men say they would never contemplate suicide, well the Japanese consider suicide to be honorable in most situations and I have definitely thought about it many times and attempted it once becaude I felt a failure and believed I would be giving the federal government the damn finger!  
    But recently I saw a movie with Will Smith and his son as the actors and in it he says " Fear is not real and its insanity for one to even consider something that may never happen and let it effect youin such a way ...that saying struck me in such a way becausr it boomerangs back to HOPE ( even HOPELESS has hope in it ).

venting

  So last night I was talking to one of my e-pal inmates and really let him vent! As from the messages I was getting from him were not all that positive. It was funny though because he had said "well another penpal had blocked me today:)" so I had to ask why he had put a smiley face at the end of it, why was he happy that another one blocked him...in the end he was saying how hes been talking to women and they been asking what he wants and needs so he tells them, he started ranting on how he had spent his last $5 on calling this woman because she said that if he had called her she would help him....She lives in the u.k so each minute cost him $1.
 
 Anyway he was going on saying that people seem to think that people in prison still have it good that they can just get whatever they want, how if you're going to write an inmate that you should only just write one and stop to think that you will be there for them and help them with whatever they need..

my thoughts on that conversation are a bit mixed up, I believe that Yes you should be there for your penpal (s) but to an extent, I went on telling him how Jack had spent $75 on phone calls to me for 5 calls! and thought it was ridiculous that he was willing to spend that much on 5 15 minute calls, so I went and got a skype number to make life a bit easier on him. Yes people need to know that it is very expensive in prisons! and they only have commissary once a week I believe where they can order certain things, that they get paid pennies for jobs, as my friend said he only makes $26 a month, yet hes trying to get money together so he can go for his appeal.  As a penpal I do expect myself to be there for my friends someone to vent to let a load off and all that but also to be there when they need a smile. I think he was trying not to direct all this at me but in the end he was because I am writing several others, not only through www.writeaprisoner.com but also through www.prisonvoice.com as well. I wanted to expand my options for finding other inmates to write to instead of just going through www.writeaprisoner.com.  I know I can't understand what they go through on a daily basis, but my heart does go out to them because they're going through something I will never go through. but its when they ask for your help financially to help them get out and you have to say no to them, thats the hard part.

It's gotta suck when the penpals block the inmates theyve deiced to be there for know what I mean? like They chose to be that person to give them that support. I shouldnt really talk lol because I have blocked a few for my own reasons though and yes i do feel bad about it because well I've told them I will be their friend for life (that is if they choose to write to me still after they've been released lol) if they do then they will continue to have that positive influence in their life, which I believe is apart of their rehabilitation.

In the end it helps them when they're able to vent to someone and in return they let me vent back lol.
I just wanted to share my thoughts on my previous conversation and wanted to say that if you decide to write anyone then don't think they've still got it easy because they haven't and if they ask for money just say you cant help them with that but you can help be there to support them.

I don't know if this post made any sense but I hope it did lol, my thoughts are jumpy like this all the time. In my next post I plan on sharing somethings that Jarrell has told me as I find them to be very inspirational and and true:)

Thanks for reading